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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Final Girls


Let me tell you a little bit about my favorite movie of the last six months: The Final Girls.

I have some majorly conflicted feelings about this film, because A) it's my favorite film of the last six months, and B) I think it really squanders what I feel is one of the coolest premises in meta-horror cinema.

For those who haven't checked it out yet, here's the deal: A group of modern teenagers are at an old cinema, and they get sucked into an 80s slasher film. They have to survive till the end of the "movie," but they also have to interact with the movie characters, who somehow develop deeper personalities just by being exposed to the real world.

This seems like the perfect set-up for a lot of self-referential humor and winks at the camera. It does have a bunch of that, of course (the use of black-and-white flashbacks is genius), but it becomes obvious pretty quickly that the movie cares much more about the emotional stuff than the comedic stuff. More importantly, though, it cares more about the emotional stuff than the horror stuff, and that is what leaves me conflicted.

On the one hand, I love this movie. It made me cry. On the other hand, though, I can't tell you how much I'd love to watch a version of this movie that...
set a more authentic 80s tone...
that didn't treat the murders as an afterthought...
and that actually tried to by scary once in a while.

In my mind, this movie is R-rated. It embraces the sub-genre. It doesn't forget the horror part of "horror-comedy." This version of the movie, however, was not made. The actual finished result is much sweeter, and prettier, and more cathartic. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It just wasn't what I had hoped when I heard the premise.

But like I said, The Final Girls is great. Check out my review to see exactly how much I liked it. But just remember: in a perfect world, there are two versions of this film. One has more decapitations.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

January Reviews

If you want to check out a few more of my reviews on Slickster...

Here's one for The Revenant, the eight-hour-long movie about the guy who gets mauled by a bear and has to crawl across 200 miles of snow-covered wilderness. It's a laugh riot, in other words.
        
            
I also have one up for the new Michael Bay actioner 13 Hours. It was one of my favorite reviews to write, because it helped me process some weird, pent-up stuff about all the Michael Bay movies I've already seen.
      
             
Finally, I checked out Ride Along 2, which is... a movie.
     
   
Anyway, this is January, people, so there's going to be a strange mixture of good and bad stuff at the multiplex.Without spoiling my reviews, I will say that only one of the three is a genuinely good movie, and it's also the only one of the three that I will never, ever watch again.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

NEW NOVEL ALERT!


I know it's been a while, but my latest romance is finally coming to a store (and an Amazon search page) near you! This one is very special to me, because the main characters criss-cross through the American southwest, riding through some of my favorite towns along Route 66. I haven't lived in America for a long time now, and I really wanted to use this story to reconnect with my culture a little bit.

As you can see from the publisher page, this one starts with the playboy son of a CEO and his ice queen of an employee, mashes them together in a company-mandated road trip, and then watches as the tension rises and the sparks fly. I'm very excited to hear your opinions. It was a blast to write, and I hope it'll be a blast to read, too.

For this book, I've joined forces with Satin Romance, one of the most author-friendly romance publishers out there. Unlike a lot of other publishers, they don't have a strict house style, instead letting their writers maintain their unique voices. I really feel like my voice comes through in this one, and I hope you do, too! Please check out some of the other awesome titles through Satin, as I'm sure you'll find something steamy or sweet or exciting or suspenseful or anything else you want!

Most importantly, though, mark your calendars for January 30, when Rev Your Engines roars into a bookstore near you!

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Concussion



I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm totally a movie reviewer now. It's crazy. I had no idea this would be part of my career path. I mean, I love movies, and I love writing, and I love telling people how I feel about stuff. But the idea that I'd be a real film critic... it honestly never crossed my mind.

Well, here I am, and I just reviewed the new Will Smith movie Concussion. It's a real story about violent head trauma starring one of the most charismatic actors in the world and it's... not at all what I expected. Did I love it? Did I hate it? Did I want to ram my own head against the wall until the movie stopped?

You'll just have to read the review to find out...

Thursday, January 7, 2016

The Hateful Eight

Have you seen the new Tarantino movie yet? Not sure if it's right for you? Well, my friends, check out my brand new review of Hateful Eight to help you make this important life decision...


Is the latest from cinema's craziest mash-up artist a little too talky? A little too violent? A little too both? Well, you'll have to check out my review to find out...


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Oh Little Town of DEATHlehem...



Hey guys! It's still winter, so it's not too late to check out my latest Christmas-themed horror story in Deathlehem Revisited, a brand new anthology that is definitely going to deck your halls... and roast your chestnuts... and jingle your bells... aaaand that's all I got. It's scary. Trust me.
And money from this book is going straight to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation! So I don't feel guilty giving anyone nightmares!

Monday, December 28, 2015

Movie Review



I'm a movie reviewer now! Check out my first (mainly positive) review for The Big Short. It's part of the movie section for Slickster Magazine, an awesome new website that has funny articles, insightful reviews, and beautiful women. Expect more to come!

Friday, October 9, 2015

Halloween Night: Trick or Treat



Graveyards, spirits, witchcraft, black cats, candy, and haunted houses.

Strange things happen on Halloween. All Hallows Eve is the single night where the veil between the living and the dead is opened. And now spirits, monsters, and candy will collide!
 
Seventeen authors and illustrators set out on a horrific journey to set the record straight. What really happens on Halloween night? Trick or Treating is not all fun and games. There are more tricks than treats scattered through these pages. Sure, All Hallows eve can be a scream. But sometimes, it’s straight-up murder.

Halloween Night: Trick-or-Treat is a middle grade and young adult horror anthology that falls on Halloween night. And right now, it's only 99 cents! You can be terrified for less than a dollar!

Read if you dare! You're in for a scare!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Life in Zanzibar

I am really enjoying the beach life.

My new album cover... If I ever do a CD of Irish folk songs.

Someone in the distance is doing a flip. I did not notice that at the time.



Wednesday, September 9, 2015

These Vampires Don`t Sparkle

 
Attention, vampire fans! Here’s a new anthology just for you. Beware, though. It’s a little intense…

Monday, August 31, 2015

Zanzibar!



Hello, everyone! It's been a long time since I updated this website, and I have some exciting news: I just moved to Zanzibar! I've been here three days now, and the place is absolutely amazing. I'll be sure to post more pictures once the wifi situation gets sorted.

In the meantime... ZANZIBAR!!!


Monday, August 10, 2015

The Ripple Effect: a new anthology



A butterfly flaps its wings in New York, and then there’s a storm in Florida. Or something like that.

The Butterfly Effect is one of those things that Ian Malcolm kept rambling about in the first Jurassic Park movie. It’s also, fun fact, the topic of this new anthology. My story, tucked away in the middle of this gruesome collection of tales, is a particular treat. I really like how this one turned out. I made pretty good use of a hospital vending machine, some lightning, and a whole bunch of murder. I hope that piques your interest.

Disclaimer: This one is not yet on Amazon, so you’ll have to order a copy at Kobo Books. It’s a little expensive, but they periodically have sales on the website. I’ll keep you posted.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Hanging on a rooftop in St. Pete


Superheroes! Monsters! Help!

It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s a… horrible space mutant oozing with acid spit and comet juices!


I am proud to announce that my short story Cold Fingers has been included in a brand new anthology that’s all about superheroes fighting monsters.

Yes, you read that correctly. Superheroes. And monsters.

Chocolate and peanut butter.

Harold and Kumar.

Two great tastes and all that. You can check it out on Amazon right now. My story takes place in Hawaii, so consider it a dry run for my upcoming paranormal romance novel that also takes place in the 50th state.

But that’s still a secret. Pretend I didn’t say anything…

And check out the anthology. It’s wall-to-wall action from some very talented writers.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

FOUND FOOTAGE

 
Paranormal Activity.

The Blair Witch Project.

[Rec.]

What do these films have in common? I mean, aside from horrible sequels.

These are part of the new wave of found footage horror films. Lure some good-looking people into a dimly lit environment, give them discount camera equipment, and then sit back and watch the carnage.

In the last few years, cinemas have been flooded with these films (for better or worse), and it’s about time that bookstores join the party.

That’s right! I’m here to announce a new found footage anthology book. Each story within these blood-spattered pages uses the same found footage gimmick. Only this time, we’re using post-it notes, letters, emails, pamphlets, and anything in-between. It’s a really cool reading experience.

Scary, too.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Midnight Echo

 
Shiny, red noses. Painted faces. Dead eyes. There’s something wrong with this clown, and no one will believe me! He wants our children! He wants them! And no one else can see him but me!

Please check out my new horror story in the brand new, comeback issue of Midnight Echo, Australia’s awesome horror magazine! I’ve heard some really exciting things about this collection, and I cannot wait for you guys to read it!

My story (written under my pen name) is about scary clowns, if that’s your kind of thing. But this magazine has a little something for everyone, so pick up a copy today. You don’t have to be an Australian (although I wish you were Australian. Seriously. Those guys are the best.)

Monday, June 1, 2015

Arachnophobia

 
They have eight legs; red, segmented eyes; frothy mandibles; and enough poison to take down an elephant. They are spiders, the deadliest on earth, and they’ve taken over a new horror anthology. 

This one isn’t on Amazon yet, so you’ll have to order your copy on Lulu.

If you don’t, they`re coming for you… crawling through the air conditioning vents, hiding in your carpet, quietly creeping up your leg…

God, I love spiders.


Thursday, March 5, 2015

Flash Fiction Update

 

There’s something pure and squicky about horror flash fiction. You read one story in a couple minutes, and hopefully it creeps you out for the day. Tales from the Blue Gonk CafĂ© is a massive collection of these stories.

My addition is called Nana, and it’s about the loving bond between grandparents and grandchildren. It’s also terrifying. Enjoy!

Monday, February 2, 2015

Coming Back... for Some Brain-Dinner

They’re coming for you, Barbara! They’re coming for you…

Zombies are awesome. They’re walking, talking (er… grunting) little allegories for whatever political statement you want to make.

Oh my God! Look! The horrors of rampant consumerism! The Vietnam War! Modern politics! Zombies have been used to say a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff.

But this anthology is a little different. This is about coming back, whether you’re a zombie or a ghost or anything in between. It’s about the growing pains and adjustment period of rising from the dead. And I think that’s a really interesting way to go.

Friday, January 2, 2015

A Monster of an Anthology!

What Has Two Heads, Ten Eyes, and Terrifying Table Manners?


It also has wild anti-heroes, neon green tentacles, housewives, microwaves, and lots of killing. Need I say more?

Okay, maybe a little more: Mutants! Other dimensions! Back-stabbings! Military-grade weapons! Pets! And one of my strangest stories yet!



Friday, December 5, 2014

Laughter in Sarnath


 Re-Animator.

Snow White.

The Necronomicon.

Sleeping Beauty.

What do these words have in common? Absolutely nothing… Until now.

Wanderer’s Haven has collected a bunch of Lovecraftian fairy tale mash-ups for your reading pleasure. While my short story was unfortunately not included in the initial roll-out of stories, you can still find it up on their website.

My gory little story Laughter in Sarnath takes its inspiration from Shadow over Innsmouth and all those fairy tales about trying to make a princess laugh. (Seriously. There’s a bunch of them.) I’m really happy with the ending of this one. I was aiming for a Tales from the Crypt vibe, and I think it delivers.

And reader beware: this one is really bloody.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

That Ain’t Right

Are you ready for some more Lovecraft? I sure hope so, because the Old Ones are back to scare the crap out of you in this new casebook of spooky stories. Each addition (including my own) follows a mysterious, Lovecraftian event, mostly involving people slowly going insane. (You know the drill.) This isn’t my first time trekking through the mountains of madness, and it’s always a fun trip every time I come back. 



Monday, September 1, 2014

Defenestration Magazine


I’ve finally been accepted into a comedy magazine! It’s been a while since I was featured in Cracked.com, and I was starting to give up hope that anyone would think that my writing was funny. Well… here I am, getting all published and stuff by Defenestration Magazine, one of the coolest humor mags around.

My story is about a girl whose relationship completely unravels once she realizes that her boyfriend smells exactly like her deceased grandmother. It’s Shakespearean.

Anyway, I hope you like it. It made me laugh, so hopefully you have a similar sense of humor. If not, well, what can I say? There’s probably a rerun of Big Bang Theory on TV right now. Go and watch that instead.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Children of Water

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the blog…

 
It’s been a slow summer (playing around in Russia and all that), but I finally have something worthwhile to share… my new fantasy\horror anthology Elementals: Children of Water is fresh off the presses.

Each story in this collection is a spooky glimpse at what’s lurking just under the waves at your feet. It’ll make you think twice about your upcoming beach vacation. Or at the very least… it’ll be a great beach read while you laze around in the sun. Either way.

You can get it on Amazon. It’s a little expensive right now, but hopefully the price will drop soon. I hope you enjoy. I’m proud of my addition to the collection. It’s one of the nastier stories I’ve ever written. And that’s saying something!